It’s Your Move

Hello and good day. Thank you for stopping by again for this edition of ‘The Divorce Whisperer.’

Picture this: you and your spouse have decided on the divorce. Attorneys have been hired; paperwork has been filled out. You’re both deciding who gets what and figuring out schedules for the kids at some point, because they will be living in two separate homes in the near future. I’ll touch upon these subjects in later articles, but that scenario is just one example of what can possibly happen during your dissolution of marriage journey. Imagine going through all this, but you and your spouse are still living under the same roof. You may be asking yourself, ‘how in the world that would work out?’

Allow me to be candid for a moment and share a snippet of my own journey with such a scenario. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t easy at first. But I will say, it kind of worked out for me. I’ll explain the ‘kind of’ part shortly. Separate rooms seemed to be the thing to do. I had my own space and the other person had theirs. Although, it may be a challenge to explain to the kids when they ask, ‘why are mommy and daddy sleeping in separate room?’ If your kids are older, they may understand more, but I will tell you, it may still sting a little for them. Setting up boundaries in also a challenge and something to get used to, because a possible mindset would be, ‘well, we’re still married so why not sleep in the same bed/continue with intimacy, etc.?’

I think it’s best to do what you feel comfortable with or willing to tolerate. You may want to save face, especially for the kids, by playing the part that everything is normal, but it’s not. Doing that is mentally and emotionally draining. I’ll say that much. However, you do what’s best for you. As I did was best for me. And this is where the ‘kind of’ part comes in. I moved out eventually, even though the divorce wasn’t final yet. Trust me, that is one of the most difficult decisions I had to make in my life, and I was in that mindset of ‘stay for the kids.’ But I felt deep down inside that it was necessary. This may be cliché, but remember the instructions from the flight attendant before take-off? Put your mask on first before helping others? Well, I needed to put on mine first. Trust me, it wasn’t fun, I was still miserable and uncertain about my decision. I was riddled with guilt from leaving. But a year later, when time helped with healing, my situation has improved greatly. Yes, it was such a huge adjustment for everyone in the family, but a year later, I have to say we’re in a much better place than a year ago.

Please know, I did what was best for me, but from a legal standpoint, you should check with your attorney about moving out. Also check with yourself. Is your decision driven by emotion? Or can you say this is a logically sound decision that’s best for everyone? Check with your soon to be ex-spouse. It’s quite dramatic to move out at zero dark thirty, and that just compounds the situation. Check with your kids and talk to them. They need to know too. If the idea of moving out is brewing, make sure it’s for the better and not out of spite, hatred or some other fiery emotion. As someone once told me, ‘Don’t make a permanent decision on a temporary emotion.’

A knowledgeable and experienced divorce and family law attorney can guide you through Colorado Springs divorce and family law matters by negotiating, mediating and litigating. Give yourself the benefit of hiring one. This allows you to focus on moving on to a better future instead of spending your time attempting to navigate complex legal rules and procedures. Sabra Janko and her team offer clients the opportunity to reach agreement to reduce cost and conflict should they so desire. However when she goes to court, she puts on the client's best case.

Sabra Janko from Janko Family Law Solutions has more than 20 years of legal experience and protects your best interests. She ensures that you are aware of your legal rights and obligations. Contact us at 719-344-5523 for a free 30-minute informational consultation or complete our online form.